Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
