You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
