Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
