Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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