everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
