You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
