I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
