lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
splinters make it hard to masturbate
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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