Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
