I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Enjoy the penises
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
