Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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