I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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