Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
