Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
