I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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