Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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