Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
