i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
