my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
