return my video game
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
