he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
