how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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