no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
