On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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