he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
