We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
