I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
