At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
