Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
