The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
