he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
