Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
