Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He? As in you personified your dick?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
