When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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