My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
