God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Randomize
