How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Mom said you looked used
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
