How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
