You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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