VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My penis needs a shock collar
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Randomize
