I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
