I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
