Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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