I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
