Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
