I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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