can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
