PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
