I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
