Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
where does the pee come out of this thing
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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