check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
