Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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