you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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