You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Found your dick twin last night
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
