duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
