and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
