Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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