I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
