My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
