ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
