Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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